Working through it: Postnatal depression and returning to work

When I became pregnant with my eldest in 2016, I was doing well in my career as a solicitor. I loved every minute of being pregnant and worked right up to 38 weeks with no problems. I was realistic in my expectations and I knew it would be tough, but I naively assumed that the happiness of a newborn baby would make the hard stuff pale into insignificance.

Whilst I had some vague idea about postnatal depression, I didn’t really know what it was or that it might affect me because I had no prior history of mental illness. My son was born following a very long and traumatic labour and from the moment he was born, I just felt completely flat.

Despite being in a room full of people, I’ve never felt so empty and alone. My mood continued to deteriorate postnatally but because I had no knowledge of perinatal mental illness the idea of being referred into services for support terrified me. I became incredibly poorly but it took a long time before I was able to accept help.

The big return to work.

My healthcare team were against the idea of me returning to work as they felt my job was too stressful and it would be too challenging to keep my mental health stable. They also raised concerns that I would be unable to do my job properly because of how I was feeling.

As the time came, I made full use of my keeping in touch (KIT) days to familiarise myself with any changes and refresh my memory of the job without the pressure of being fully back to work. These were crucial in helping to boost my confidence having spent a year out of the loop.

When I did return, I felt a sting and was saddened about the fact that my maternity leave hadn’t been what I hoped for. I left the office a year before with hopes of an amazing year off work with my baby and returned having had the worst year of my life.

My first couple of days back felt very emotional but it began to ease after about a week. I found people’s comments and assumptions quite difficult at times. There was an assumption that I didn’t want to be there, that I missed my son and my “time off” with him. In truth, it was more complicated for me. Yes, I missed my son but I was also excited to be back at work because maternity leave had been such a miserable time for me.

Ultimately, returning to work was the best thing I did. It gave me a sense of self again, Leanne as a woman and a person in her own right, not just as a mum. It was a distraction like no other and made me realise I wasn’t the mess that I felt I had become. And I wasn’t a bad mum either.

Supporting a parent returning to work.

Supporting someone returning to work after parental leave means creating space for their unique experience. Avoid assumptions about how they feel, and instead, ask open questions like, “How can we best support you?” Acknowledge the complexities they may face and remember that even small acts of understanding and flexibility can make a world of difference in helping them regain confidence and balance.